Welcome Kyle Matthew

I went to my doctors appointment thursday afternoon (July 14th) for them to check my cervix. The medical assistant that helped me back took my weight and blood pressure, etc. Then she started going on and on about how because this was my first labor and I was being induced that I was going to be in labor for a very long time and that I probably wouldn't even have him until Saturday morning etc. etc. I was SO annoyed and I not so nicely told her she could please stop talking and leave the room. Matt thought I was so rude but I didn't care. Even though I was being induced I knew I wanted a quick and easy labor and that that is what I was going to get. Because let's face it, I get what I want. Haha. No really though, I had spent a lot of time preparing my mind and my body for a "smooth and easy" labor and I knew that I could have one despite the circumstances.
As the midwife was preparing to check my cervix she was also very negative and kept saying I was probably not having any changes because this was my first pregnancy and I was only 38 weeks etc. Well lo and behold I was dilated to a 2 and was 50% effaced and the baby had been in the right position for weeks now.
Matt and I went out to eat at the Cheesecake Factory for our "last meal" and I ate all of my food and his because I knew the hospital wouldn't let me eat once I checked in and I like my food (incidentally my bag was packed with lots of hidden goodies).
I went in to the hospital to be induced at 8:00 on Thursday July 14. We got all checked in and got all settled into my sweet hospital room. They started out with the IV of course and I just about freaked. I HATE needles and the nurse was trying to get some blood for my dray and couldn't and ended up giving me a huge bruise that ran half way down my forearm. So the IV was annoying in itself and then my arm was so tender because it was all bruised up. I thought right then and there this could be a very long, uncomfortable stay. They gave me my first dose of Citotec (sp?) which helps ripen your cervix for labor. So the plan was to take Citotec every 3 hours until about 6 am and then they can start the pitocin 4 hours after the last dose. Sometimes the Citotec in itself can put you into labor and the pitocin can be avoided. That's what I wanted, and like I said, I get what I want. So they gave me Citotec at 9pm and Matt and I got ready for bed and talked a little bit about baby names. He still wanted Troy and I still wanted Kyler. Sometime during the night we came to an agreement on Kyle.
I got another dose of Citotec at midnight and then tried to get some sleep but the bed was so uncomfortable and I kept having to use the bathroom etc. so I never ended up being able to fall asleep. My water broke on it's own at 3 am and they came in shortly after to give me some more Citotec. The nurse asked me if I had gotten any sleep and I told her I hadn't. She kept telling me I needed my rest and I knew I did because I had worked all day and been awake for almost 24 hours already. She offered me some ambien to help me sleep and I took that around 4 am. Right around then the contractions started getting more intense and more regular. I felt like I was ready to go but the monitor had slipped off my belly so the nurse had no idea. I dealt with those and still didn't get any sleep for about another hour and a half or so. Finally the nurse came back in to give me my last dose of Citotec and I told her about my contractions so she said let's get you an epidural so you can sleep. I thought that I still had several hours before they were even going to start my labor so I agreed. The anesthesiologist came in and I was like I really need to use the bathroom first (even though I had literally just been in there and hadn't been able to do anything). Then the nurse decided to check my cervix and realized I was ready to deliver. I went ahead and still did the epidural around 6 am I think. Then they waited for the midwife to come in. I think I started pushing around 7 am and Kyle was born on July 15th at 7:41 am weighing a whopping 5 lbs 10 oz and was 20.5 inches long.

Even though I had to be induced and ended up using the Ambien and the epidural I am very happy with the way Kyle's birth went.  I was in the delivery room for less than 12 hours and ended up with a very healthy and alert baby boy. I am a bit nervous to have to give birth again because everything went so smoothly this time. I didn't get to do an all natural labor like I had been planning on but I was still really grateful for all of the techniques that I learned in my hypnobirthing class to prepare my mind and my body for a "smooth, easy labor".

Intrauterine Growth Restriction

Today our little baby boy was diagnosed with IUGR. You can read what that is at this link:

http://www.babycenter.com/0_intrauterine-growth-restriction-iugr_1427406.bc?page=1

So far he looks perfect and is doing great he is just measuring at 33 weeks when he should be measuring at 37. I am still gaining about 2 pounds a week so we are not sure why he is not growing anymore. Most likely the placenta is just not doing it's job like it should. Thankfully, because he is still doing so well, they are going to let him stay in for another week and induce me on the night of July 14th. Hopefully he will grow some more in this next week and his lungs can mature more so he is more prepared for life outside the womb.
It is very strange to go from what couldn't have been a more perfectly normal pregnancy to a high risk pregnancy in just one day. I am very worried about this little guy but so far he is doing great and that's all that I can hope for. Please keep us in your prayers.

Stressed and Blessed

Back in March I remember thinking how easy life was at the time. Things were great. I was having a great first pregnancy, Matt and I were really happy, work was going pretty good for both of us, we were getting ready to do our yard for the summer which I was SO excited about, and I just remember thinking "life is so easy right now" and as soon as I would think that I would think "don't say that, because when life is easy it means your not progressing and Heavenly Father doesn't like it when you're not progressing". Well sure enough, He noticed and He must have decided that it was time for me to start progressing again because now things are anything but easy!
It all started when I got called to be a Primary Teacher. Not that that was the cause it was the just what happened first. I hadn't had a calling since we moved last year and kept asking for one because I wanted to serve. Well they waited until I was 6 months pregnant to call me to co-teach the CTR 7 Class. I was surprised about the call but the 7 year olds aren't too bad and I have a co-teacher so I wasn't too worried about it. That lasted one week and then our ward split, which I was NOT excited about. It takes me a long time to make friends and I was just starting to get to know people and then they were splitting the ward?!? Great. In the new ward I got called to teach 9 rowdy four year olds, by myself, and now I am seven months pregnant. I cried after church every sunday for a month! It's gotten better and today I was grateful to be distracted from all of the other stresses in my life and go play games with them during church! I think this calling also might help me get out of my shell and make more friends in the ward too.
Around the end of March we were talking about our budget and I had the thought that we should put in a basement apartment and rent it out to have a little extra income. So we started working on that in April and were hoping to have it done by the middle of May, not knowing at the time that WE would actually be the ones to end up living in it. "Why is that?" you ask. Well....
Sometime around the end of April or beginning of May, Matt came home with some not very good news about his company. They weren't doing well in Utah and wanted to shut down their office here and move to Vegas to work out of the office there because it was the only profitable area. So the other two owners put their homes up for rent, found apartments, and were all set to move! Well, what about us?!?! We are not in the position to just pick up and move our life to Vegas. I have a full time job (the other wives stay at home with young children) that has been our only steady source of income because Matt's company has been so up and down, I am pregnant and wouldn't want to move until after the baby comes anyways, and we have Nick here so if we move how are we going to be able to see him? So what the heck are we going to do?
Luckily, or I really should say blessedly, we were able to figure out a semi-decent plan. We got an apartment in Vegas for Matt to stay in when he is down there for work. We are still working on finishing the basement and should hopefully be done with it within the next week. That has been probably the most stressful part for sure. Nothing wants to go right with it. All of the people we have hired to do the work have either done a bad job or have taken at least three times longer to do the work than they should have. The basement was originally supposed to be done three weeks ago (and on a much smaller budget than it is turning out to). It is in the drywall stage still! Which means in the next week we are supposed to paint, install flooring, do trim, doors, etc., install cabinets and countertops, finish electrical and plumbing, much less all the packing, moving, and cleaning that needs to be done! Oh, and that's all to be done after a full day of work too! Yay. So, when (if) the basement ever gets done, I will move down there. Another bitter sweet thing is...we are going to rent out the top two floors of our home. This is great because we were able to quickly find a great family to rent to, but not so great because it's my brand new house that I worked so hard for and liked so much! I am going to miss it terribly and am very worried about what might happen to it while I am not living here. Also, the renters are all set to move in next week and the basement isn't very close to being done. And I am eight months pregnant. After a full day of work I am exhausted. How am I supposed to pack and move and clean and clean and unpack and move (even if it is just down a flight of stairs)?
Heavenly Father doesn't give us more than we can handle right? Well there is more! Two people were fired from my office within the last two weeks so we are short handed there. And Matt officially started work in Vegas this past week so he will be gone a lot more than I would like him to be at this time with all the basement projects, moving, and being so far along in my pregnancy. And PLEASE, whatever you do, don't ask me what we are going to do when the baby comes. I don't know and I don't want to think about it. Am I going to move to Vegas and live with Matt and maybe even be a stay at home mom? That would be cool but probably not. I would love to but like I said right now my job pays the bills. Or I could go through all the paperwork and application fees to get a hygiene license in Nevada and work a few days a week. But what about Nick? We can't just move to Vegas, when would we get to see him? We would have to come up here at least every other weekend from Thursday to Monday. So does that mean I get to live by myself in the basement and work full time and have to pretty much be a single parent with a new born that will have to spend 9-10 hours a day in daycare 5 days a week? Possibly. Will Matt have to leave the company he has worked so hard to build? Maybe. And then what will he do? Is this what I thought my life was going to be like last year when we decided we wanted to have a baby? NO! I am a planner, I had everything all planned out. But alas, I am not THE planner so it doesn't really matter does it? Right now I wish for nothing more than to have that easy life back. I just want to work and come home and shop online for baby paraphernalia and watch TV and plan summer fun for when I am on maternity leave.
I think about all of this and my head just wants to EXPLODE. Then I think a little more deeply and realize that yes this is all very stressful and not how I want my life to be right now BUT it really could be worse and we REALLY are very blessed. We both still have our jobs. We are all healthy and the pregnancy is going along as smoothly as could be expected. We have a place (actually places) to live and they are both much better than a lot of people have. We were able to find great renters. And maybe by some miracle the basement will be done on time and all of that will go well too. As expensive as this has all been it has worked out okay. We have wonderful family, friends, and neighbors that are there to help us when we need it. My faith has been tested for sure and I can feel it growing more and more each day (something that wasn't happening when my life was easy) as has my gratitude, and patience. Which is good, because I don't think this is going to be over soon.
Thanks for listening to me complain. I feel so much better getting all of this out. And if I seem a bit edgy, grumpy, or just down right mean the next time you see me please forgive me. I am trying!

24 Weeks

Yes that is equivalent to six months! Yay.

Things still continue to go really well on the pregnancy front. I first felt the baby move right on the 18 week mark. Matt felt it for the first time on the 19 week mark. We found out we are having a bouncing baby boy at 20 weeks and let me tell you, he is already a rowdy boy. He is constantly moving and kicking! Matt is already calling him "Troy" and I am in a desperate search for a name that just feels right. Nick has felt him kick too, it was fun to see him get so excited.  I am measuring right on for my July 27th due date and officially weigh more than I have ever weighed (although that scale at the midwife clinic is fishy to me, it is always more than mine at home).

Nick is at such a fun age right now. He is still a cute little toddler but his mind is working ALL of the time! One night we sat down to dinner and he had been watching Toy Story while I was cooking and he asked his dad "Dad, what is a hockey puck?" So Matt started to tell him what it was and he asked "What does it look like?" So we pulled up a picture of a hockey puck on the computer. Then Nick asks "Dad, what is bad news?" Matt was trying to think of an explanation when Nick asked "What does bad news look like?" Haha. We couldn't just pull an image of that up on the computer. He is at the stage where he asks "why?" to everything. It is hard to keep coming up with answers so after awhile I learned to say "I don't know, why do you think?" That seems to be working well so far! 

He also says some hilarious stuff. One night he was just playing with some toys and kept saying "everything is running like clockwork for me today". The funniest thing I can think of that he did lately though was when he was being a little stinker and got in trouble so Matt was carrying him up to his room for time out and he was not happy about it. He was whining and then he told Matt "I don't want to go to time out, put me down you moron!" Matt and I had a hard time hiding our faces as we were cracking up!

Here is a video of Matt and Nick playing "horsie". Matt is seriously the best dad ever. He is so much fun and is SO caring and loving. Me and these boys are so blessed to have him.

Matt and I went on a "babymoon" to Orlando, Florida about a month ago. We went to Universal Studios and Island Adventure. We definitely liked Island Adventure and the Harry Potter ride the best. They have some sweet roller coasters that I would like to go back and ride one day. We spent some time at the beach in Tampa but it was too windy and the sand blasting our skin wasn't the most pleasant so we ended up walking around the pier checking out the pelicans. We went shopping, out to eat, and tried to get a tan but it was really overcast most of the time. It was a quick trip but fun for the most part and a nice break from work.

Worries

Yesterday Matt left for a work conference in Orlando and he will be gone until Wednesday. Usually he only goes out of town for work during the week and I am so busy with my own job that it's not really that hard for me. Yesterday I went to drop him off and immediately started getting anxious. The anxiety lessened a little when I got his text that they had made it safely and luckily I had a special event to help out with this morning to keep me occupied. But now I am home alone again trying to find something to do to keep me busy and my mind is running circles. Topic of choice: becoming a mom and all the anxiety that comes along with it.
I am really worried that I won't be a very good mother. I mean, I think I will be a good mom but there are some things that really worry me about having a baby.  One of my biggest worries is about having to go back to work. I love being a dental hygienist and really like my job (for the most part, it has it's days) but where I work they don't really let people work part time. I currently work 38- 40 hours per week and that doesn't include my half hour commute each way and a half hour lunch each day. Right now it's not really an option for me to not work and the job market is so bad there aren't a lot of chances to change to part time with another office. I get worried that working that much won't allow me to be there for my baby as a mother should be. Sometimes I feel like I should have waited longer to get pregnant but we felt like it was right and no time would ever be perfect I know.
Other than the job thing I am worried that I am too selfish. I really am selfish. I think I noticed it for the first time after hygiene school although it had probably been developing for a while. Growing up I mostly had to fend for myself and actually had to sacrifice a lot to take care of my little sisters and brother and I think that now I resent being asked to do stuff that I don't feel is my responsibility (Matt can attest to that). In college I always thought, this is MY time to take care of myself and to enjoy myself and really just make up for a lot I feel like I missed or was deprived of growing up. Well I think that attitude has unfortunately stuck around. I have a very easy and blessed life right now and I am enjoying it. I haven't had to make a lot of sacrifices for a very long time and I think it will be an adjustment to do so again.
Obviously I would never think taking care of my baby isn't my responsibility but there are certain things I have become spoiled by that I think I might have a hard time giving up as unimportant as they are in comparison to raising a child.  Like sleep. I don't do well without adequate rest. And I feel like I will miss out on a lot of fun stuff (how lame does that sound). But really. I am going to meet Matt in Orlando on Wednesday and we are going to stay for a few days. I am really bummed that I won't be able to go on all the fun rides at the parks we are going to and I know this is just the beginning of not being able to do stuff that I love to do. I am sure that I will be able to do a lot of the things I like but sometimes the thought of how much extra work it will be with a baby makes the idea seem so much less fun. With some things there would be no choice but to get a sitter in order to do it and out of all the moms I know, I don't know very many that do that very often. Most of them seem like they just love being with their kids and don't really ever go anywhere without them. So that makes me feel even worse.  And what if I am not patient enough, or kind enough, or loving enough, or forgiving enough, or smart enough?! What if I am inadequate and unable to provide my child with it's basic mental, emotional, or spiritual needs? Oh and I feel like I will never be considered "hot" or "sexy" again. Haha.
Anyways, of all the mothers I know I have never heard any of them express any concerns such as mine. I just needed to record these feelings and to vent. I know reading this I probably sound really depressing but please know that I am not. I am really happy and excited. I KNOW that Heavenly Father entrusted me with this special spirit and that with His help I can do all things (and do them well). I know that He can make these weaknesses my strengths and I really hope that He helps me do that. I know that if I but have faith in Him, He will provide in all things. I am very excited for this next chapter in my life and all of the opportunities it will afford. I feel like I do have A LOT of growing up to do and am excited for the challenge. I just hope that that learning and growing does not come at the expense of a pure and innocent child. In the instances that it may, I am just grateful for the Atonement of my Savior that will allow me to be forgiven of my mistakes and more importantly can make up for all that I lack in my child's life.